It’s crazy how much in the last year has changed. I actually committed myself to lose weight, I created a blog, and I actually almost have all A’s for my senior year of high school. Although, out of everything, I am more proud of losing weight than anything else.
I have always hated my body. I was always the fatter kid in the class, I have a broad chest, and overall I never have felt beautiful or even just feminine. As I got older, I never stopped looking the way I do, and eventually I just had to figure out how to manage my love/hate relationship with my curves despite eating the same things as everyone else and still gaining weight.
I began to think nothing about it until I found out I had high cholesterol or hyperlipidemia because I had come to find out from my nutritionist that I hold fat and carbohydrates more than the average person, meaning that I have a carb and fat sensitivity along with a gluten and shellfish intolerance. So after I cut down most of it almost to healthy fats and low carbs as well as exercising three to four hours a day with the Peloton bike and app, I actually saw myself losing weight.
While I still am considered “heavy”, I have lost forty pounds and continue to do so, but only because I learned an important lesson, it is not all about the jelly. As women we find ourselves constantly comparing bodies thanks to social media, television, and magazines. We all try to obtain that unattainable hourglass figure in order to be validated as being beautiful even though we should find beauty in ourselves.
For years, my grandmother belittled me for being the “fat one” in the family. She would always suggest eating tips, try to buy me clothes that were too small, and most of all telling me how I would not attract any men without her help. In some twisted way this was her way of trying to tell her she loved me, no matter how brutal the implications she used, and so when I started to show signs of weight loss she showered me in loads of encouragement, telling me how proud she was and how I finally had a chance of being in love which in itself was also manipulative, but it made me realize how much a man’s view of a woman dominates our society. I started out my weight loss journey thinking that this is how I would get the man of my dreams, but in reality that does not matter. Instead, I just want to happy with who I am whether I am 140 pounds or 180. I want to look at myself in the mirror and see the beauty of who I am and be fine with a little fat on my thighs, arms, or stomach as long as I eat healthy and exercise daily because I should not care about the “jelly” or the fat, rather I should care more about how my confidence shines through.